Owning the Words others speak

When someone speaks words over us that wound us, we have a choice to claim those words or to let them drop to the ground.

It became painfully obvious to me recently that I had allowed a word spoken over me from someone in my past to occupy my soul and even though the person no longer has a place in my life, the word remained there... dormant for several years.

 I had taken ownership of that word. 

I gave it a room in my soul.

Because I had allowed the word to take residence, (which meant I believed it to be truth) it grew into something more than a simple word, it became part of me, always there, waiting to rise up and knock me back in my place....and it nearly crippled me. 

It was like a dormant cancer waiting to be fed. 

And then it happened..several years later - that word - the one I owned - rose up from within and was released like a fierce volcano.. 

Unworthiness and intimidation crept in and suddenly I felt out of place among a group of talented people I had been teamed with to write a song. 

Although I am incredibly gifted with words, suddenly, I felt inferior and intimidated. I had never experienced this feeling at this depth before. I have always been bold and adventurous believing in myself. Willing to jump in and learn something new, especially when it had anything to do with music. 

There was a time in my younger days where I actually performed and sang in a band...belting out Linda Ronstadt and Bette Midler ballads. I sang at weddings and even won karaoke contests in my late twenties and early thirties...

I was proud of the accomplishments , playing lead roles in musicals - all without any formal training - I loved it...I was good!

I believed I would always be used in this area of talent...that is...
until I became a Christian... 

It was here that I decided to try out for the choir... I was confident and excited. I even went to a voice coach to be sure I was ready for the audition, I was assured I was. 

Somehow, my desire for the approval of the judges, made me more nervous than any audition I had ever been to. I suddenly I felt intimidated, judged and critiqued. Nerves overtook me. I didn't make it.

I decided maybe I needed to take more voice lessons and figure out what the issue was. The instructor was encouraging and after a few lessons, my confidence began to grow again...I tried out the next season...and again...I didn't make it.

It was that word...the one I pick up and put into my soul...

Several years before a leader in the church, who mentored me began making fun of my worship and singing. During one night of worship she walked by as I was singing and made comments - 'I was wondering what that noise was'. 'You'd be better off lypsincing'. Who ever told you -you could sing was stupid...cause you can't!

For the first time in my life, I became afraid to sing.

I clammed up, creativity waned, I felt completely out of place and I had no idea why. Then I heard the words audibly in my head and I froze. You can't sing. 
I was crushed. Because I owned those words,  I lost my ability to sing. My confidence was gone.

That morning in the songwriters workshop...I froze and tears rolled down my cheeks - I was humiliated and embarrassed as most everyone else in the group were already professional singers. Thankfully, they were understanding and we finished the song and received an award for 2nd place. Although,I did not sing with the group.. I helped produce the song. 

After the workshop, I went home I realized what had happened.

I had owned this word, I literally lived it out!

I knew what I had to do -- I repented to God and asked Him to forgive me. Not just for believing the lie - but more for the reason why it hurt. I wanted approval, I wanted to be noticed, I wanted to be heard, used for my talent. Wrong motives and I was sorry...

Now you will find me at the front of the church during worship - singing with my full voice, but...with my back to the crowd...because I choose to sing to an audience of one....my sole purpose is to use my voice to worship Him and Him alone. He is worth it!

Instead of singing I choose to Speak Life & Live!

What words have you owned?







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